the one i never wanted to write

it is with great sadness that i tell today's tale. it is a tale of hopes dashed, expectations sorely unmet, pedestals crashing, and - to put it bluntly - it's a tale of another so-called man of principle biting the fucking dust.
on with it then:

so i have a friend, let's call him Neil (anyone who can tell me why i'm choosing Neil of all names will win a prize). I've been friends with Neil for a really long time and i think i've been kind of sweet on him for most of the time i've known him, although i never really admitted it to myself because i saw it as completely hopeless. so time goes by and i'm dating one ignorant asshole after another (see previous posts) while Neil has a series of long relationships with girls that i could never quite bring myself to like for some strange reason...

anyway, although at one time neil and i were like batty and bench, spending an obscene amount of time together being "pretend girlfriend-boyfriend" and talking on the phone for hours, once we both moved to Toronto things kind of fell off and we spent less time together; but whenever we hung out it was as if no time at all had passed. so i still considered him a good friend, even though we didn't see each other so often anymore.

so out of the blue one day about a month or so ago, neil and i decided to meet up at this place on college street. we had a lovely time catching up and talking, and spent a really long time talking about my current unrelationship and how miserable it was and how it was beating the life out of me. neil gave me his little puppy dog "why do you allow yourself to be treated like this?" look which always makes me wish i could find a man as nice as him.

HA.

so two weeks ago a mutual friend of ours got married in london and neil was in the wedding party. he looked good in his tux, it pains me to admit. but i was looking quite fetching myself in my Marciano gold studded halter dress (love that dress!). anyway at the reception neil is being very flirty with me; adjusting my stick-on bra and rubbing my back under my shawl, shit like that. and i was enjoying it, don't get me wrong. so when the stars aligned in such a way so as to lead neil and me to a deserted hallway, i went willingly.

so, being neil, he did not use the obvious combo of private hallway and romantic setting to have his way with me, no sir. instead he used the time to talk about how he'd planned to have his way with me.

which lead to a big discussion about whether it was a good idea for us to "get it on".

all i wanted to know was whether we were talking about just getting it on or if it was "getting it on and more. like, with feelings". he said "more...like with feelings".

so the discussion went on so long that the reception ended and my sister was waiting in the car calling me every five minutes before we could decide anything, but we did kiss as we were walking back (who kissed whom is still up for debate, or would be if i ever wanted to speak to this guy again, so i'll leave it at "we kissed") and he told me he would call me the next day at my parents' house. by the time i left to go back to toronto i hadn't heard from him, so i decided to be a big girl and send him an email a few days later. he wrote me back and apologized for not calling and said "I started thinking that I was one of those "...and then he never called me again" stories".

we made plans to get together on wednesday night, so i lied to the unboyfriend and off i went for more discussion about whether we should get it on. i offered the suggestion that we just get it on and clean up the messes afterward but that was a no go.

anyway, after much talking i decided i was cool to give it a try, but my boy neil wasn't quite there yet. in fact he had gone in the complete opposite direction but couldn't come out and say it so i got to be the one to say to him, "i think you don't want to do this and you just don't want to say it", at which point he finally admitted that no, he didn't want a relationship.

i was livid.

who fucking pulls this shit on their friend? why the hell are you sniffing around acting like you want to get with me when you know you don't want a relationship? that type of behaviour is despicable when you do it to some skank you met in a club but when you do it to a friend. sooo unacceptable! so i expressed some, but not all, of my displeasure and he assured me that he still wanted to be friends....

i swear, if men knew how fucking un-original they are
they would be so ashamed

he told me he would call me on Friday.
and then
and THEN
AND THEN HE NEVER CALLED ME

Update: it's been almost two years. And he STILL hasn't called me.