hit me with some hallway love

so i went on a date once with this guy i met in the footlocker in eaton centre.

can't remember his name, so for this post we'll call him "hallway".

you'll see why in a second...

so the guy comes to pick me up to take me out and when i go to get in the front seat of the car, there's a little boy sitting there. nobody knows who this boy is (or why at approximately five years of age he is sitting in the front seat of the car) because hallway doesn't say a word to me about it and i'm too stunned to ask.

so i climb in the back seat and hallway starts driving. we drive for about a half hour or so during which time neither hallway nor what i can only assume is hallway junior says a word to me. finally we arrive at a house and hallway and hallway the remix get out of the car and go inside...still no one is saying anything to me. so i stay where i am in the back seat until hallway returns about 20 minutes later. he looks over his shoulder at me and says "why don't you get in the front?"

okay then.

so i get in the front and we go on our date which i cannot remember anything about. he drives me home (i got to sit in the front the whole way!!) and then walks me to my door.

so we're standing in the hallway outside of my apartment and he kisses mei wish i could tell you it was a good kiss but i don't remember it at all...so we're kissing for a bit and then i say i have to go inside and i turn around to put my key in the door. next thing i know this guy is all pressed up against my back and i can feel a bit of pressure in my down there area so i turn around to see what's happening and here is this guy standing there with a pleading look in his eyes and a one eyed snake poking out of the fly of his jeans trying to fuck me in my hallway!

is this guy for real???

why am i gonna fuck you in my hallway? am i a hooker?

so anyway i'm like yeah this is so not happening so you can just put that away and try not to cut yourself on your zipper on its way back in.

i went inside and told my sister the story of my disastrous date and resolved never to go out with this asshole again. but apparently the decision was made for me because the guy NEVER CALLED ME AGAIN!